Put yourself in their place. You’ve just withdrawn $10,000 from your savings account for a quick fix of your home in order to sell it and buy a new one. The Property Brothers on HGTV have made it clear that, in its current shape, your house will never sell for top dollar—or even close. So, you pack up boxes and boxes (maybe even rent one of those storage wheelie things), dump all the wedding gifts you never used, your collection of LPs, cassette tapes, and the TV you meant to repair but never did.
You keep asking yourselves: Why go through all the trouble and, more importantly, the money—savings you’d counted on as part of the down payment for your new home?
The Property Brothers, twins Drew and Jonathan Scott, assure you that it will all be worth it in the end. Of course, they don’t have to live in your parents’ basement with your two kids, a dog, and four goldfish. (You thought of flushing the fish down the toilet but nixed the plan after your oldest threw a tantrum and said he’d hate you for the rest of your lives.)
The first couple of days living with your folks felt like staying in a well-appointed hotel room. But then reality set in. There wasn’t enough space. The basement was musty and dark. Your mother really can’t cook. You were counting the days until your old home was fixed up and ready to sell.
You recorded videos on your cell phone late at night, documenting your fatigue and frustration. You couldn’t sleep, the kids were stir crazy, and mold was discovered in your home. Fork over another thousand or two.
Finally, the day of the reveal arrives. You can’t wait to see your fixed up home and can’t wait to get the heck out of there and move into your larger, well-appointed house in your same neighborhood.
You walk in the front door. You’re overwhelmed. “Oh, my gosh! I don’t even recognize it!” “Gosh, maybe we should stay here and not bother buying a new house.” “Oh, gosh. This kitchen looks amazing.”
“Gosh, gosh, gosh.”
How many people these days use the word gosh? Or, for that matter, other expressions of amazement like “Golly gee,” or “Gee, whiz,” or “Holy Moly”? Why not, like the rest of us say, in amazement, “Oh, my god,” “Holy Jesus,” even the current shortcut “OMG”?
Are these HGTV buyers and sellers coached? Have the big mucky mucks outlawed the word god? If someone slips, do they cut and re-record the scene? Or, even worse, are they summarily banned from “The Property Brothers,” “Buyers and Sellers,” “Flip or Flop,” or any number of other HGTV programs?
I don’t know about you, but when I’m amazed, blown away, overwhelmed in a good way, the word god comes spilling out. Okay, maybe an OMG if I’m in a hurry, texting, or in the same room with my one friend whose father was a career military guy and banned the word God in the house.
The next time you turn on HGTV and watch one of the home lifestyle shows when either something goes very wrong (asbestos behind the walls in the kitchen, mold in the bedroom, electrical wiring about to destroy the house by fire, support beams about ready to crumble . . .), pay close attention to the homeowners’ or homeowners-to-be reactions when their new homes are revealed. If you hear the word god, let me know.
Maybe I’ll write an email to customer relations and complain.