I wake up every morning, shower and dress. Well, begin to dress. But when it comes to the day’s choice of a t-shirt, blouse or sweater, I often find myself rummaging through my closet, foolishly hoping that an item of clothing that wasn’t there yesterday, the day before, or the day before that will miraculously have found its way to a hanger.
Of course, nothing new turns up. Dispirited, I’m forced to recognize that I’m faced with the same old choices.
I find it curious that, while I know the outcome, I continue to hope for some kind of clothing miracle. Maybe it’s my lame attempt at changing the course of events in my life and/or in the life of many others.
That may be a stretch. But at this time of year, there is a robust list of upcoming events, personal habits and relationships that I’d like to either change or reverse.
- To drop my addiction to politics during this Presidential season. (When will it end?) Like all addicts, I do everything in my power to avoid the culprits: TV news (if you can call it that), newspaper, mostly online, radio shows like National Public Radio, progressive stations, even MSBC. No matter how hard I try to kick the habit, I need my daily fix. Monday and Tuesday of this week were exceptions: “The Voice” came back on the air after its summer hiatus, and I was giddy with the distraction. I didn’t cheat once. But then there’s the first debate a few days from now. As much as I know it will send me up the wall, I must watch, even though I know I may have to resort to a couple of shots of tequila.
- To stop the steady march toward the dark days, freezing temperatures, and snow of winter. (If we weren’t spending a chunk of time in Mexico, I’d have already slipped into the beginnings of depression.) As it is, I watch the sun drop a few minutes earlier each day and, as a midwesterner, know what’s coming. (No wonder I want to move to warmer, sunnier climes.)
- To reconnect with my estranged brother who lives in France. We haven’t spoken in six years and counting. (I’ll be detailing the split in a personal essay coming soon to a magazine or blog near you.) In the meantime—particularly as the author of The Sibling Connection—I sometimes feel like a fraud and a failure who had no business writing a book about brothers and sister
- To find the transformative power of the goddesses within me and women around the world. I know . . . It all sounds rather 1960s, doesn’t it? And maybe it is. But I’m going to give it a shot. Maybe I can resolve the push and pull between the mother figure and the fearsome warrior and accept both as normal, highly regarded parts of the goddess Kali and me.
Ah, the ways of the subconscious. From non existent clothes in my closet to the goddess Kali. The mind works in wondrous ways.